


No Good In Goodbye

by kbl55429



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drunk Alec, Heavy Angst, M/M, everything still supernatural, post breakup
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 15:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11739801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kbl55429/pseuds/kbl55429
Summary: After the break-up Alec spirals into self-destructive behavior.





	1. Breakeven

**Alec POV**

 

Alec just stood there watching as the love of his life walk out of his life, too shocked to even move, but the sad part was Alec didn't feel anything, he was numb.

The words flowing through his head.

_The only thing holding me back is you. I can't have both._

Of course he couldn't have both because he wasn't enough, and just like that everything he always thought about himself came flooding back. He was kidding himself, believing he was good enough for Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn. The man who could have anyone he wanted. Was he playing with him this whole time, was this all some sick joke.

He never thought he say this but his parents were right. Well they were right about one thing and that was Magnus Bane. There are only six words that come to his mind now, emotions are nothing but a distraction, yeah that's it emotions are nothing but a distraction. He repeated over and over and over in his head.

Emotions are nothing but a distraction.

Emotions are nothing but a distraction.

Emotions are nothing but a distraction.

Next thing he knew his legs were moving, he had to get out of here. He could hear someone in the background calling his name but he didn't care. He needed air, he needed something else to occupy his mind. Next thing he knew he was out in the cool New York air. He needed something, anything, he couldn't go to the Hunters Moon, too many downworlders, he knew he wouldn't be welcomed there. Couldn't go to Pandemonium, too many memories.

His legs carried him to the mundane bar he would always go to when he needed to get away. They knew him there, he would have no problem getting a drink. Ten minutes later he was standing in front of Luckys. He walked inside and ordered a beer. It was beer after beer after beer till his mind was empty.

Alcohol made you do things you wouldn't do sober. They says that drunk actions are sober thoughts. So here he was having sex with a complete stranger in a dirty bathroom at some rundown bar. Maybe this is all he deserves, meaningless sex with a stranger, this way he doesn't have to deal with the emotions. Repeating the words in his head.

Emotions are nothing but a distraction.

He was finished within five minutes, it definitely wasn't the best sex he had but it's what he deserved rough and dirty. Alec stumbled back into the institute round 2:30 to a really pissed of Jace.

“Heeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy Jaaaaaaaaaaacccccccccceeeeeeeee.” Jace could smell the alcohol on his breath.

Alec never drank, he hated the taste of alcohol, “where the hell have you been for the past five hours?”

Alec giggled, “having seeexxxxx.”

Jace chuckled, “I didn't know you had to get so drunk to have sex with Magnus, is it that bad.”

Alec laughed, but there was no happiness behind it, “no sex with Magnus,” Jace’s expression dropped, “he broke up with me.” Before Jace could say anything else Alec passed out in his arms. Jace lifted him and brought him to his bed, tomorrow was going to be rough for everyone.

Alec woke up with a blinding headache and his ass hurt and then all the events of last night came rushing back to him. Suddenly his stomach gurgled, he ran do the bathroom and emptied his stomach into the toilet. After he drew an iratze on himself, he immediately felt better, then hopped in the shower to wash off the dirt.

He would continue to repeat the same actions night after night for the next week straight.

On the eighth morning his sister walked in, “Alec how long are you going to continue down this path, it's not good, I'm worried about you.”

Normally that would of have had an affect on him but he felt nothing. He even stopped doing his duties as head of the institute, something he had worked hard for at one point it meant everything to him. But now it meant nothing. Drawing another iratze on his skin, he glared at Izzy, “there's nothing to worry about, I'm fine, now leave, I need a shower.” He noticed the hurt that flashed in her eyes but once again he felt nothing. Not saying another word Izzy stormed out of the bathroom leaving Alec with his self destructive tendencies.

—————————————-

**Izzy and Jace’s POV**

 

Izzy stormed out of Alec's room and into the control room and right past Jace. She was on a mission, she had a one tract mind until she was grabbed by the elbow by Jace, “woah Iz where's the storm.” Jace noticed the tear in her eye, “I can't watch him destroy himself anymore Jace, I want my brother back, it's like he's an empty shell. He feels nothing, nothing at all.”

Jace closed his eyes and let out a long sigh, “I can feel it Iz, through our bond I can feel it, I can feel the emptiness, it's like someone drained him of his emotions. But after he stopped showing up to work, someone's had to keep everything running, the only thing that's good about this situation is that Valentine and Jonathan have been quiet. I don't know what scares me more, that or Alec. When shit does go down we're going to need every available fighter. I just don't know what do anymore Iz, I'm tired.”

Izzy wrapped Jace in a big hug, “we'll figure it out, but right now I'm going to see that damn warlock don't try to stop me.”

Jace put his tablet down, “I'm won't but I'm coming with you.”

Izzy was about to knock on the door but Jace stopped her, “I know your really pissed right now so let me do the talking.” Izzy nodded her head and knocked.

When the door opened they were met with a smiling Magnus, it looked like he was happy and that's when Izzy lost it. She promised to let Jace talk but when she saw Magnus looking the way he did she couldn't control herself.

She grabbed Magnus by the shirt and pushed him inside, hard, “you son of a bitch, did you ever care about Alec at all.” She was so pissed off that she didn't see the other two people react and they were quickly pulling her off of Magnus.

It was Raphael who spoke first, “Isabelle, calm down.” She glared at him, “don't tell me to calm down, Alec is going through hell and this warlock looks like he just won the lottery.” Raphael was stunned, “did the High Warlock of Brooklyn here tell you how he walked away leaving my brother broken and empty.” She turns to Magnus, “yeah you did that to him, it's like he doesn't feel anything, it's bad, you know he no longer shows up to work, doesn't care about being the head anymore, the one position he’s always wanted and worked his ass off to get. He doesn't eat, unless you count the alcohol, he's lost weight, not to mention the disappearing every night for hours on end, coming back drunk with bruises and marks all over him.” She saw the hurt in Magnus’ eyes, she wanted him to feel like shit, “yeah you heard me right, that's the man you left in your wake, a cold empty heartless man.”

The room was silent, everyone had a blank look on their face, except for Magnus, he looked distraught, it was Jace to spoke up next but he was a little more calm, “she's right, I can feel it through our bond, you know it would be better if there was pain and heartbreak pulsing through but theres nothing. That's what is the most scariest part, there nothing but emptiness.” Nobody notice the tear slipping out of Jace’s eye, “you wanna know the worst part is, his eyes, its like there's no life left in them, and I can't do a damn thing about it, he doesn't care about anything or anyone.”

Before anyone else could say another word, in walked a drunk Alec with his arm wrapped around a seelie, “welll hellllloooooo, this is my friend Octavius, I was telling him how great in bed you were and he asked if we could have a threesome and I figured what the hell, something new and exciting, soooo Maggggnusss, you in?” When Alec looked away from the seelie he noticed Magnus wasn't alone, “woah a party and no one invited me, I'm hurt, but the more the merrier, who wants to have some funnnn.”

Everyone was stunned into silence. It was Catarina turn to shock everyone by walking up to Alec and slapping him right across the face, hard, with Alec being really drunk it knocked him to the ground. Catarina then turned to the seelie, “leave now,” and without any questions he hurried out the door. All that could be heard was Alec on the ground laughing, but then the laughs turned into sobs, loud heartbreaking sobs and for the first time since the breakup Jace could finally feel Alec, but what he felt was anger, pain and heartbreak so heavy it knocked the breath out of him. It was all the feelings that Alec had been suppressing, they all came at once and in that moment Jace had never felt more useless.

 


	2. The End Where I Begin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can they help Alec before it's too late.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so I added more. Idk if I like it, it's hard for me to write Magnus.

**Magnus' POV**

 

  
When Alec walked in he could see what Jace was talking about. His beautiful hazel eyes were lifeless, they almost looked black. Did he really do that, make his Alexander, well not his anymore into an bottomless pit. Yes Alec lied to him, he had chosen his people over Alec, but turns out it didn't make any difference. With Valentine going dark, the only thing he succeeded in was breaking his and Alec's heart.

Cat looked at him and she could see everything he was feeling in his eyes. He was shocked by what happened next, Cat walked over and slapped him hard to where he fell to the floor. Of course him being really drunk didn't help but then he started laughing. Cat got the reaction she wanted, Alec would only respond to pain especially looking at all the bruises on him. Because his laughs turned into loud heartbreaking sobs and Magnus’ heart broke all over again.

Magnus walked over to him and put his hand on his cheek slowly wiping his tears away. Alec looked at him, Magnus could see everything he was feeling because Magnus was feeling it too. Magnus took Alec into his arms and Alec finally spoke, “I'm so sorry Mags I never meant to hurt you, I'm so sorry, please you have to believe me, I'm so sorry, sorry, sorry,” Alec had his head on Magnus’ shoulder with his hand wrapped in his shirt and he kept repeating the word sorry over and over again.

The sobs kept coming and coming, but they were coming out dry. The days of not taking care of himself were finally catching up to him. Magnus was trying to calm him down but nothing was helping. Alec was starting to choke and air was barely getting in to his lung, so Magnus did the next best thing, he used his magic to put him to sleep.

When Magnus looked at the others in the room, he saw Jace holding Izzy, she had her head in the crook of his neck, she could no longer look at the shell of a man that was her brother. Catarina and Raphael even had a heartbreaking and concern look in their eyes.

It was Jace who broke the silence, “what did you do?"

“I just put him to sleep, he was choking and having a hard time breathing, if I didn't then it could have been bad.” Magnus picked Alec up bridal style, and brought him to his room asking Catarina to come with him. He wanted her to make sure he was okay. He walked out of the bedroom to give Cat some privacy.

Izzy spoke this time, “what is she doing?”

Magnus let out a long sigh and made his way to the bar cart making himself a drink and fell onto the couch. He put his head in his hands and just cried, the first tears he shed since the breakup.

Magnus felt the couch dip beside him, he looked over and it was Izzy, she place her hand in his, “I'm sorry for attacking you, I can see your not fine.”

Magnus chuckled, “no but I've had centuries of practice to hide my emotions. But the truth is I don't want to, not anymore, it was easier to walk away, so I broke my own heart instead of waiting for the other shoe to finally drop. He lied to me, I know he would have told me but it was easier to blame it on the war then my ability to fully trust, he's not the only one who hides behind their duties. The difference between us is he was always willing to try, so I did what I did but I ended up causing more harm then good and for that I'm truly sorry. I can only hope he forgives me.”

Izzy wiped the tears from his eyes, “he will, because that's just who he is. He loves you Magnus, the way he lights up when you walk into a room, he was lighter these past few months then he's ever been. You two always find your way back to each other, I have no doubt you will again.”

Magnus looked at her, “thank you.”

At this time, Catarina came out of the room, “its bad, he's severely dehydrated and his blood alcohol level was really high, he was on the verge of alcohol poisoning, lucky he came here when he did. The angel only knows when the last time he ate was. So I put an IV in. I recommend keeping him a sleep for the next couple of days so his body can fully recuperate. I'll leave you some supplies so you can change his IV bag.”

Magnus couldn't believe this, he was letting himself go and this is was his fault, “thanks Cat,” he turned to Jace and Izzy, “he can stay here while he recuperates, I'll call you when he wakes up.”

Jace and Izzy were a little hesitant, he couldn't blame them, eventually they agreed and everyone left because they were just plain exhausted.

Magnus walked into his room and saw his Angel sleeping, thinking that's probably the most peace he's gotten in the last week. He grabbed Alec by the hand, “oh Angel what have I done, what have you done, I'm so sorry for all of this, you don't deserve this. You have the biggest heart out of all of us, you deserved to be loved, I hope I can be the one to do that again. I'll do whatever I can to make this up to you. I just need you to take better care of yourself. I love you Angel, so much it hurts.”

Magnus crawled next to him and fell a sleep listening to his Angels heartbeat.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I might add more, if people want me too.


End file.
